faith, Short Stories

Father

Going to visit my father after years of seperation sounded like a good idea. Or a good sounding bad idea. It’s been years since I moved out of the house but even though the journey from my house was less than an hour drive, I could never bring myself to it.

My father wasn’t a perfect man. Not close. He says that often. He wasn’t the trophy winning father either. Our lives was a mess before I was eighteen when I moved out. We could hardly afford a 3-times meal because he rather spent the money on rum and alcohol.

Before he got into the alcohol addiction, we lived pretty well. He was a doctor but got his license taken away after an incident at the hospital. Since then, he literally tortured me. It was being wicked and not being strict. He controlled my life, school-life, picked the people I could hangout with and the times I could, he told me the subjects to take, would severely punish me for things as trival as spilling water on the floor. He tried to break me, He told me I would never measure up. He intimidated me into silence and made me the introvert I wasn’t and all my life, I’d tried proving myself to him. To show him I was better or going to be much better, to grow into a man a father would be proud of, even though we rarely spoke.

After moving out, I saw him a couple of times on the train but never made an attempt to talk to him. Still living closeby to my old apartment, few weeks after I graduated from studying psychology in college, I saw him walking down the road while I was driving to work and I did the craziest thing ever. I decided to give him a ride. I don’t know if it was to prove to him that I was more or because i just wanted to. The drive wasn’t awkward or nothing close to what I had imagined, he talked to me, and he let me talk back. He said he had changed. That he was sober now and then he did something, something I’ll never forget – he apologized.

Since then, I’d pick him up whenever I saw him and would drop by a couple of times. The house was cleaner than when I left. We talked about our lives and all that happened. He told me what made him change, said it was a church, or Jesus. I don’t believe in any religion or in a supernatural life but i was glad something made him change and gave me an opportunity with my father.

He made me promise to introduce him to my girlfriend and I did. He was funny and no longer a mess. He had changed and I knew that. We were beginning to have the relationship we never had and even more.

This afternoon, I got his call but I was in a meeting with a patient so I put my phone to silent mode, hoping i’d call him after the meeting. Unknown to me, he had called so many times, left voice messages for me saying I should please come pick him up from home as he was not feeling too well. I called after the meeting but he didn’t pick up. The last time he had called, he didn’t leave a voicemail.

The next time I saw him, he was lifeless. He died on his way to the bus stop. Shot in the head.

And I felt lonelier than I have ever felt. And responsible.

faith

Proverbs Series

Wisdom.


“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform (or pause and reflect).” 
― Mark Twain

Earth was a soup of nothingness, a bottomless emptiness, an inky blackness until the creation. The creation of all we now see and the creation of man and what man, most humans want at least, is to matter. No matter how little.

Everyday we strive for wisdom, to learn something in the least form. We write and read stories and experiences of others most time to learn from it.

A goal of mine for 2019 that I was too scared to admit is to stop being afraid of what others would say. As a believer of doing what makes you happy and doing the things you truly love and care about, given it doesn’t hurt anyone, I have been living quite the exact opposite, just so people would ‘like’ me.

So this year or new phase, I’m going to ramble on about what I love and my passion. I am going to write, weirdly, a paragraph/sentence/line story series, motivational rambles, health, fitness, mental health.

I’ll be using the book of Proverbs because I believe it was written so we know how to live well and right. To understand what life means and where it’s going – a manual for living.

Most self help books you’ll ever come across would have lessons curbed from this book. To those who don’t believe in reading self help books because they believe you have to have the willingness to change on the inside first, well, I know no one reads a motivational book or willingly watches a video without having that willingness.

So today, Proverbs 1.

1. Start with God :- In a world where it’s getting harder to talk about God in public, the first step in learning is surrendering to that God. (I am not going to shove my religion down your throats).

2. Listen to/Learn from the older/younger ones/everyone:- I know some parents or elderly ones may not be the best and they might have made a couple or a lot of mistakes but their lives or they can teach you life lessons.

3. Avoid bad companies: This isn’t a new one – Those we relate with can influence us more than we think we know.

4. Think before you leap: We all, at a point in our lives, seek advice from friends, families, the young, the old, and sometimes we forget to think before making the big decision. We still need to ponder on the advice before making major or even minor decisions. And don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. Sometimes, they are inevitable.

5. Carelessness kills. Complacency is murder.

Thanks for joining me today. See you next time!